Tag Archives: life

Control the inner demon

So turns out a large part of being an adult is not punching someone when you REALLY want to. Now, I know that violence is never the answer, but there are those people you run into who are just so hard to get on with there seems no other way.

I am a big believer of killing with kindness, mainly because I find it so much easier to be kind than mean, however, this can often mean (from the outside at least) you look like a pushover. Many don’t understands the inner thoughts of people who are wired differently to themselves, but I don’t think I am programmed to take out my true frustrations on people- so I just swallow them and try to move on. Don’t get me wrong, rage happens, frequently, but it also passes just a quickly as it comes- does this make me weak?

I was always told I would never get anywhere with kindness, that you had to be cut-throat, put yourself first if you ever want to be in control and really achieve anything in your life. So, does this mean I am not meant to reach my potential?

I am not good at confrontation, that’s a lie, I am awful at it. I hate it in fact. I believe in most cases issues can be dealt with softly, kindly – but people keep proving me wrong! It has happened so much recently, that I genuinely am starting to believe the people around me, maybe I won’t get to where I want to be, maybe I should go against every fibre of my being and be more ruthless.

The real question is: can I do it?

Asking too much? Or not enough?

Do we ask too much of ourselves? Or do we not apply ourselves enough?

I’m struggling, on one hand a have a job I have always thought I wanted, it pays the mortgage and the people I work with are great. On the other hand, I work long days, long weeks and get little job satisfaction. 

So, my question is this: should I just get my ass in gear, work harder and try and find that job satisfaction? Or do I need to have more to give me drive?

I know my blog title is a bit of a joke, but seriously, adulting is hard. Does anyone really know if what they are doing is “right” or has “purpose” or do we just continuely bumble through things and make guesses at the time…

Insight would be a great thing, but my guess (and to some extent my hope) is that many of you out there don’t have the full picture or all the answers. 

So maybe instead we should all talk about this a bit more, maybe moaning about work and life, when really you have a lot of things together, should be embraced more. Maybe, we should realise that we need to talk, change things up and continue to bumble through things, just, more openly. So that those who haven’t got it together yet, know that it’s OK.

Because it is, right?


The irony in this post, it although I am writing about past procrastination and the fact I haven’t written a blog post in months, what I am actually doing is procrastinating right now.

Anyway, irony aside, it has been a while and a lot has changed in my life.* I moved back to my home town with my husband, it has been two months and we have just bought and moved into a new place, it feels immediately like our home. I also have a new job, which has pretty much swallowed up my entire life- which is sort of what this post is about.

I realised recently that I complain, a lot, I think I have always done it but for some reason I am now acutely aware of just how much I bitch and moan about my life and stress. So for that, my friends out there I am sorry. Just like everyone, I am sure I have plenty of things to complain about and things that stress me out, but I have noticed that it is actually all more than manageable- I just have to start making changes.

So why is it so hard?

I know that I can put more hours into my job and my life and start seeing some changes if I just get my act together, but instead I use my “downtime” to do very little to improve my situation. This has to stop. I have the attitude that I want it all, the life, the job the happiness, so I have started to realise to do this I need to put in the effort.

This week will be the trial, I will attempt to adult as best I can, my downtime will be used to organise and plan, not to veg and watch TV. This blog will be rebooted and I will start to manage my time more appropriately, just because you are “meant” to have 7-9 hours sleep, doesn’t mean you HAVE to achieve 9 hours a night, think what I could get done with a couple more productive hours a day!

The pressure that is on us all to “be the best you can be” is crap. Maybe we all need to just work out where our life is now, and what effort needs to go into it to make it better for ourselves?

*in the interest of honesty, I have in fact just got up to do something else, therefore actually procrastinating from my current procrastination- there is something wrong with me.


The stalker inside

Turns out I am a “Millennial” – I found this out this morning, when researching what one was, so I could right about the fact I am not one. I was wrong.

However, I misunderstood what the word meant until I looked into it. I believed millennials to be lazy with very little ambition – this is partly right, though in the strangest of ways. It’s not that we don’t have ambition, it’s that we crave that perfect work-life balance (that probably doesn’t exist) but is that so wrong? To want to work hard, enjoy life and make enough money to live that life as well?

I know that’s not what we were taught, or even what is expected of us. I for one, could never see myself working 9-5, mon-fri behind a desk for someone else. But I LOVE hard work, so I would work 7 days a week doing something I loved, or for the right cause- so that’s what I intend to do.

Anyway, back to the subject- me, the stalker. As I was sat texting, or scrolling the other day a notification came up, *someone you knew 6 years ago just posted a new photo* – so, of course, I had to see, it meant nothing, I met this person maybe twice, but I needed to see what had happened to this person who had little-to-no impact on my life. We can blame social media for this odd addiction, but is that fair, I remember my parents talking about anything and everything that had happened to the kingston’s who lived down the road and one scandal or another, the difference with social media coverage? It’s straight from the horses mouth.

My aim over the next month will be to weed through the hundreds of “friends” and start culling, if I don’t know them to start a conversation with, I don’t need them. True friends are worth their weight in gold, time to take care of them and stop wasting precious moments on those I don’t know.

Not just another day.

Today was a good day!

What a difference it can make when you decide to make yourself happy. Today I chose to make decisions that better myself and the business I work for! I made big choices and tried new things with social media which all paid off, getting that interaction with clients can give you such a buzz.

I work for a gym, an amazing gym, based on results and customer service, each client is known personally, either as a personal trainer client, semi private or group member- each one is treated as an individual. I never thought in depth about the fitness industry and how much that personal touch can make a difference to a clients results.

One of the key things I have noticed is that fitness and getting healthier is that it is all in the mind! My boss at work is an inspiration, when he spoke to me today something he said really resonated with me: it’s not about will power, that doesn’t exist, it’s about wanting more than anyone else, more than you have ever wanted anything- that is how you get great results.

I have my 12 week stats on Friday, my goal is to have dropped 12kg and 10% body fat, it is a high target but for once I feel I can achieve it. And you know what? If I don’t, I keep fighting. I want this.

So tomorrow is a new day, and I will push harder, be stronger and keep growing and learning. If I do that everyday, I’ll be perfect in know time, right?

The 6-week blitz.

This is a new one for me, stepping up an already intense exercise regime (intense for me, as my exercise regime used to be hoovering the house once a week), but needs must and I NEED to be in shorts by June. (OK, obviously no one needs to be in shorts, well, ever, but I want the option)

So after a long weekend off plan, with a family-sized bag of mini eggs, 2 cream eggs and – you know what, I can’t even finish that list, so lets just a LOT of chocolate! I am now 6 weeks away from the official start to my Summer. The TT races on the Isle of Man, I will be going home for 2 weeks to enjoy the TT, and I say enjoy because I won’t be working it for the first time in forever.

This means, booze and burgers (I mean, I will try my hardest not to, but come on!)

So from now until then, it is time to up my game. I will dropping my dairy right back (my obsession with babybel’s is getting ridiculous), carbs are back off the menu (at least for the first 2 weeks), no little cheats chocolate squares, and most importantly- upping the exercise. This means, 6 cardio sessions a week and 4 weights sessions (thats up from 4 and 2) I am strangely exciting about this, I love having a target and always respond well to the pressure, so fingers crossed.

I have my 12 week photos on Friday, so will post something with them- I am also going to have a photo taken in shorts and a tee (oh god!) to motivate me for the 6 weeks. Never underestimate the importance of photos, yes measurements might sound impressive on paper, but it is the photos that really light a fire and inspire you to keep going.

I will continue to document this journey through here and on instagram, as well as my random thoughts as I go along.

Something I have noticed, and I wonder if there are any other weightloss enthusiasts (I love that expression, who is enthusiast about this stuff? especially if you love food, like me) is that, for once, this journey of weightloss has not been documented on facebook, I have kept it away from the prying eyes of family and friends, and instead looked to strangers for support. Whereas in previous attempts to lose weight, weightwatchers, diet schemes, shakes (you name it!) I shouted about the 10lbs a lost in a week, this has been different. I think that is important, it means more to me than a photo or a statement about how much I have lost this week, it is for me. My health. My way. My life.

Going it alone.

One of the key steps of adulting, so I am lead to believe, is working out what makes you happy, and trying to do it on a regular basis. Something I have never understood is people who hate their jobs, not just people who dislike they jobs, or people who are bored in what they do, but fully hate going into the office or wherever everyday. it just doesn’t make sense to me, because most of us spend more time at work than anywhere else, so why on earth would you spend the majority of your life unhappy?!

I have, luckily, never been in that position. My previous job was tough, stressful and took it’s toll on me emotionally, but I still loved what I did and the people I worked with! The hard part about moving away and changing our lives so much, is the pressure I put on myself. I said the classic “this year is about me, I am going to get my shit together” OK, and so far, it’s not too bad, I have lost weight and found a love of exercise but my career is not going anywhere.

So this is what today’s little write up is about really, I want to start my own company. Since I can remember I have always wanted to work for myself, it is not that I think I can do it better than my previous managers, it’s just, I would do things differently.

I have the ideas, the name, the brand, the thoughts and the attitude to make it work, but you know what? I am scared. I need someone to hold my hand, tell me everything will be alright and that I am making the best decision, but no one will. I’m an adult now. Apparently.

So where does one begin? Is there a guide on this? I am working part-time at the moment, so that is perfect, but what is next? Crap. I thought I would be better at this. Hopefully I will get better, and as I do, hopefully this blog will be full of useful tips for the next generation on how they can start a business of their own.

Wish me luck.


*P.S. if you couldn’t have guessed these are my Easter leggings, I felt like an Easter egg wearing them too, so- winner.